Where did my quadrant four go?
I came across this post "make communal meaning" by Imperfect and really liked the framework that they discuss, which was originally from a Substack post by Ben James called "Aliveness and where to find it."
Ben proposes a two-dimensional framework for categorizing activities and experiences. On the one hand, activities can be broken into CONSUMING vs. CREATING; on the other hand, they can be categorized as done ALONE or TOGETHER.
Examining the intersections of these two frameworks creates Ben's "Meaning Matrix," where he provides examples for activities in each quadrant.
| The Meaning Matrix | ALONE | TOGETHER |
|---|---|---|
| CONSUMING | Scrolling, Netflix, shopping, Duolingo (BAD) | Coffee, movie night, eating-holidays, gaming (FUN) |
| CREATING | Cooking for yourself, solo art/tech projects, making something (GOOD) | Starting a band/club/company, building a camp, putting on a show, group crafts (MEANING IS FOUND HERE) |
Ben describes how the richest, most meaningful experiences happen in quadrant four: creating with others.
Reading these posts had me reflecting on my own quadrants. So, as an exercise, I drafted my quadrants:
| The Meaning Matrix | ALONE | TOGETHER |
|---|---|---|
| CONSUMING | - Watching TV - solo gaming - listening to podcasts - reading - scrolling on my phone :( |
- going to the movies with J - Book club - playing video games with friends |
| CREATING | - Writing on my blog - Academic / research writing - contributing to my Zettelkasten - Working on my websites |
Eeek, this is bleak... - crickets - sometimes when playing video games with my friends, it feels like we create something together (like on minecraft?) |
I feel like, across the board, too much of my life is engaging in ALONE activities. I think it's natural that most of your experiences fall under this category, but I feel like even when taking that into account, I am missing some TOGETHERness.
Within the opportunities that I have found to pursue TOGETHERness, it is primarily through the domain of CONSUMING -- consuming movies, games, books with others.
Creating with others (quadrant four) is something that I am achingly missing. It makes me sad to reflect on the fact that one of the few times I feel this is when my friends and I make something together, like a base, in a video game.
The only other times I have felt this in the past couple of years were when I generated story ideas with my partner for them to write about. We only did this a couple of times. But, in those instances, I felt this creative rush. It was so enjoyable, and I think this framework perfectly captures why it feels so good. It's where the meaning is found.
I used to have such a rich quadrant four. I grew up going to an arts high school and doing scenes and plays with my friends. It felt like everything I did at that time was quadrant four. But in college, I phased out of doing theater because I wanted to focus on more realistic career paths for myself. I don't regret this decision, and yet, it's clear to me that I'm still processing the loss of such a rich and bountiful quadrant four.
I appreciate Ben's post because he acknowledges that, over the past couple of decades, there has been a structural depletion of opportunities for quadrant four. As a society, it feels like we're less connected, more addicted to our phones and algorithms than ever before. Capitalism demands it of us!
I think it's important not to blame structural issues on individuals. And yet, it would be dishonest to entirely blame the lack of quadrant four experiences on society. As Ben mentions, meaningful connections with others require social planning and effort. It's vulnerable and uncomfortable!!
But I can feel myself reaching a point where the discomfort caused by the absolute dearth of quadrant four experiences is beginning to outweigh the discomfort required to make meaningful connections with others.
It is easy to go months, years or lifetimes without touching quadrant four, purely by avoiding discomfort.
He's talking about me. A man named Ben is dragging me online. (╥﹏╥)
I've gotta make a change.